girl in the middle, my life as an almost grownup

Just for the fam.

2012-02-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

My mom got a new haircut..let me know what you think(:
She's a little unsure of it, because its SO short (her words, not mine). I however, find it super cute, young and modern. Give us your take!(:

2012-02-02T04:13:00.000-08:00

I hate being sick. I absolutely hate it.

Here's the deal.

2012-01-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

I HATE GIVING TALKS..I hate saying prayers in seminary and at church, I hate doing the theme in yw...and that's easy. (Its not that I don't want to, its just that I freak out and turn red in the face and feel like i'm going to bark.....and I get SUPER nervous and when i'm nervous I have this thing where I babble and start giggling....need I say more?) Anyhoo, we were just talking about how the ym and yw are now required to do a 3 minute talk in sacrament..we then somehow got on the subject of how I have never given a talk..and then I SWEAR karma set in..

So right after the conversation, the bishop's "right hand man" comes up to me and asks if I would PLEASE give a talk on February 26th about commitment. Holy Shizz. Sooooooooooooooo..being the Conley that I am..I didn't say no....(not that I had a choice)...Everyone thought it was EXTREMELY hilarious...me, not so much....

Oh well, just thought you all should know that tidbit of info..

OH MY GOSH...

2012-01-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

WATCH THIS!! It is SO SWEET!!! AGGGH!! So..I just had to show you all this super cute video (:

Something Random

2012-01-18T16:16:00.000-08:00

This is what we do during lunch...take pictures in our hobo hats(:

They're THICK, BLACK, AND.......well you can see

2012-01-15T06:32:00.000-08:00

But i'm kinda-sorta-really digging my
sexy nerd glasses
....what do you think?

so..

2012-01-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

Apparently I SUCK at blogging...I promise I'll try to get better.(:
To catch everyone up with my life...I am in the 2nd Semester of my Sophomore year at Notre Dame. I've been trying to convince my mom to let me be home-schooled for my Junior and Senior year...so that I can graduate earlier...Which is (according to my mom) a D-R-E-A-M. Oh well...I suppose I can survive two more years of ugly, pleated plaid if it makes her happy.

Other than school, we haven't been up to much...I made a new friend...but you guys already knew that(: This weekend, I'm taking my BEST friend Adonis (yes, that's a girl) to meet him, Aunt BB, Uncle Nick, Charlie, and Luke...I think she's mostly excited to meet the cousins.

SHORT STORY...

I was at school, and my friend Maizie, Karina, Camille and I all went to the bathroom before our "Career Day" Assembly (where alumni of ND tells us why they still live in Salinas.....other than the hippy-dippy lady who owns a restaurant in Sacramento....she was....pretty dang cool :D)....ANYWAY, Maizie kept staring at my chest, and then proceeded to say:

'DAMN GIRL, YOU HAVE SOME BIG A** BOOBIES!'

Then Karina decided to "feel" if they were real....and slapped me....I SWEAR...only in an all girls school is that allowed to occur without being called a pervert..

More posts to come (I have a lot of time to make up...you guys have missed LOTS!)

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T10:04:00.001-08:00

here's one picture to start the day off..
more to come love you all and happy Thanksgiving!

XOXO,
Kirtee <3

To Catch You Up.

2011-11-13T10:36:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to figure things out with school, and there will be more on that in a little bit, but first I wanted to just give a short recap of how life has been lately...and I only need one word to describe it.
INSANITY.
so thats how life is right now. We're trying to visit family, keep everyone happy, buy christmas gifts, and work on the school thing. oh, and as far as christmas goes, I need a SMALL list of what everyone would like as far as homemade gifts for themselves, kids, etc.

XOXO,
Kirtee

it's a new look

2011-11-02T21:56:00.001-07:00

so I've been trying to figure something to do with the never-ending pile of eyeliner in my drawer..and I think I found a new look. I don't know if you guys ever noticed, but I usually do next to no eye makeup...so I need some feedback. let me know what you think (: and if the pics are small its because it's from my iPod.

2011-11-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

halloween's come and gone....now its time for

C. H. R. I. S. T. M. A. S.

YES!

this is about 3 weeks late

2011-10-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

heres my haircut..its a really crappy picture that doesn't show it all that well but thats OK..because its up..3 weeks late. sorry (:

2011-10-20T20:37:00.001-07:00

i cut my hair..ALOT. pictures to come.

nite (:

2011-10-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

drama is so stupid. im done.

2011-10-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

Jessie J~Who You Are

please just listen..because i think that everyone has felt this or is feeling this in their life.

this girl right here...

2011-10-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

is my best friend (: && just to prove to everyone that she is....I took her to meet ALL of my family yesterday.....my crazy, LARGE family. and she liked them, because apparently, they kind of remind her of me...gee thanks. (;
more to come..after Marine Biology.......isn't high school great?

2011-09-15T08:57:00.001-07:00

life sucks.

On the road.

2011-08-24T15:38:00.001-07:00

So. I'm on my way to Tejon Ranch...I was really excited to go play hooky with school and spend a few days with Troy--until I learned it was a four hour drive, we would be staying in the horse trailer, and I wouldn't be able to make it back home in time for the hello assembly at school...which basically where we spend an hour making fun of teachers, staff, and OF COURSE....the freshmen (: but I'm over it now...well that and we're two hours from being there (;

Best. Birthday. To Date.

2011-08-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

they say a pictures worth a thousand words. well this one right here is worth a million <3

ta-ta for now,

kirtee

3 Words.

2011-08-09T16:56:00.000-07:00

I LOVE HER.

Listen to

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Cheek to Cheek

Dream a Little Dream of Me

These 3 songs are musts..

ta-ta for now.

kirtee

2011-08-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

I just started this. I don't expect you to read it but I just thought you would all want to know.

www.xoxokirtee.blogspot.com

2011-08-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

So i've been looking back at some of my posts...and I have made a LOT of promises for pictures and "more to come" crap..so I want to send out a big, whopping SORRY. Life has been crazy, in EVERY aspect. So, the next time I say more to come or pics soon, I promise it will actually happen.

this is what my life has come to.

2011-08-05T23:40:00.000-07:00

its a perfectly good friday night, && what am i doing??

watching season one golden girls...

and eating ALOT of haagen-dazs

Somehow, I pictured my summer VERY differently. But instead of living up to my expectations, it sort of all disappointed me..more to come, but for now, i'm off to stuff my face some more...and laugh at nasty jokes made by blache and sophia (the others too, but those two seem to make the worst ones)

just listen.

2011-07-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

On Today's Agenda

2011-07-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

OK, so my mom just got back from Cow Country--a.k.a Tulare--late last night and totally exhausted. While I stayed up waiting for her to come home, I decided to clean out my closet because i knew that was going to be the first thing she would ask me to do when she came home. I must say, I was fairly impressed with myself..I finished in 20 minutes when I usually take 3 1/2 to 4 hours. 20 minutes, 2 bags of giveaway, and a huge pile of laundry later, this is what I got..Sorry its not a picture of the whole closet, I had technical difficulties.

Anyhoo, when I woke up this morning, I was prepared to show her a really clean room and to be done with it..HA! I found her in my bathroom, where she was staring at my drawers...Then she told me I had to clean them all out. I knew I couldn't argue with her because they had gotten so bad I had altogether stopped using them. So I started..slowly. 40 minutes later, I had them all organized, with separate containers for everything. I also found that out of my 8 drawers and cabinets filled with crap, I could only fill 2 cabinets and 2 drawers.

I really don't have anything else to say..The before pictures were WAY to disgusting to put on here..

More to come!

XOXO,

Kirtee <3

not such a good idea?!

2011-06-26T03:07:00.000-07:00

so we are off to mexico this morning....and i have an infection that won't get better, a slight cold, and..OH YEAH! a fever....not really off to a good start. but im going to pull through..i can't do much right now but we have been going non-stop and i think i only have a day where there isn't anything planned..yet ): but it will all work out! i will be sure to post pics when we come home!! love you all!

XOXO <3

Kirtee

do the pretty girl rock

2011-06-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

So....this is me..in case you didn't know that already (; OH! like my photography experiment?

it says it all

2011-06-21T13:36:00.001-07:00

Imma Lay It Down

2011-05-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

SO..this is how i've been going lately....all natural..no makeup..i don't know whats going on with me! i've stopped using makeup...and (here's the big shocker) my cell phone..any ideas what this is all about?!

anyway finals are almost done!! just the 3 dreaded ones (and most important ones) left...math, science, and english ): i'm STRESSING!!

and i'm also trying to get in shape for summer (; we go to mexico in june and we get to take our auntie michelle with us!! its going to be so much fun and right before we leave my mom and i are going to go shopping for clothes!!! if that's not motivation then i don't know what is!!

i am UBER excited to be done with freshman year and to be moving onto being a sophomore (: i really can't believe it only three years of high school left!!! i know i've said that i want to rush through but i'm just going to LIVE IN THE MOMENT <3 and that's that..

well i'm off to study graphs, planets, and roots ): wish me luck

XOXO,

Kirtee <3

made my night

2011-05-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

ok so i am sitting in my living room watching a movie, and looking at quotes....the first..

"Occasionally, something will happen that will change your opinion of someone irrevocably, that will shatter the ideal you’ve built up around a person and force you to see them for the fallible and human creature that they really are."

This one really embodies my life right now...it explains EVERYTHING thats going on..

and then theres this one..

"I wasn't born with enough middle fingers."

THIS one is my life too (: and i know it may be slightly inapro-pro but i HAD to

Marilyn Monson is now my idol...well her and Ella Fitzgerald

so thats all and goodnight (:

2011-05-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Mama,

Mama, you taught me to do the right things
So now you have to let your baby fly
You've given me everything that I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life
And I know you watched me grow up
And only want what's best for me

Mama there's no way you'll ever lose me
Giving me away is not goodbye
As you watch me walk down to my future
I hope tears of joy are in your eyes
And when I watch my baby grow up
I'll only want what's best for her
And I hope she'll find the answer to my prayers
Mama don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me

XOXO,

Kirtee

2011-04-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

i've been gone..but you don't want to know the details. because yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.
anyway, today was a normal day...until we went to our "freshman retreat" with our "senior moms". basically we gather in the gym, play some fun games, and cry our eyes out. not necessarily in that order but still, you go in thinking its all fun in games, and you come out a entirely different person.
today two talks were given, and i am not allowed to talk about them because it is them telling you their deepest, darkest secrets. but i will tell you this. i felt like it was me talking when one of the girls told us her story...it felt like mine but 10x crappier. i don't know where it came from, but i just started bawling. it was like she was reading my soul. and then, i realized who my real friends are. two of my friends, camille and jackie, didn't even ask, they just put their arms around my shoulders and held my hands while i cried on the gym floor in front of everyone. and to make it better, when we all got up to give the girl a hug...when it was my turn, she gave me a very tight squeeze and said, "I LOVE YOU". and the crying started all over again.

anyway, enough with the sad. i think i am going to start a new blog. its going to be about my journey to finding myself, and my self confidence. YES that means i'm going to take digs at myself...but i know in a way that it will push me even more. motivate me further. and that is exactly what i need in my life now.

well i'm going to leave you all with something to think about..

XOXO
KIRTEE

OK

2011-04-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

so my life has been PHSYCO!! details and pictures soon.

THIS is my bliss..

2011-03-08T03:30:00.000-08:00

3:24 am

BEEN AWAKE SINCE 1:19...I guess I wasn't expecting this..

well goodnight--err, good morning :)

sigh

2011-03-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

..LIFE RIGHT NOW..
There is so much going on in my life..but my main issue is this--my mom and I are thinking of homeschooling me. That way I could get my Associates by the time i'm 17 and enter college as a junior. I was really starting to like the idea (after I got over the social problem--dances, homecoming, prom, GRADUATION) when my mom starts second guessing even thinking about it. I love the idea of being able to go places to learn, not sitting in an overheated classroom..so I would love for you all to give me some feedback..

..IN OTHER NEWS..
I found a new friend. Her name is . Sammy, she is 16, and we spend the entire time in seminary passing notes about the guys we like :) it is so fun...anyhoo, I am so happy that I could meet her. She is truly amazing. I love the feeling that you get when you meet your other half. Sammy's my other half..IN SOO MANY WAYS..

..SO..
I would really love to visit all of my auntie's :) if you want me to post something that you've wanted to know, just leave a comment..

..WELL..
i'm leaving..hope you can all read this post and the many more to come..love you.

KIRTEE <3

..things going on..

2011-02-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

So I have made a promise to myself..I'm going to stop having a pity party on this blog.  NO that doesn't mean I won't share my feelings with you all-but it does mean that I am going to start talking about the good in the life I am blessed to have..so lets say goodbye to the hormone controlled posts.  I've got to let it all go.  Who knows whats going to happen now?  I sure don't.  But I have one thing planned for myself..I'm going to have the time of my life.  Because we were put here for a reason right??  Lets do something about it..

IN OTHER NEWS..

This weekend my mom, Marshall, and I went to Aunt Becky's.  So far, the boys have built a fort (three and a half times), Charlie managed to find some old hidden bags of bubble gum lollipops and smarties (which she calls frufrus).  This morning, we were awoken at 6:07 (according to Luke), and were sent to McDonald's for some breakfast.  That 5 minute trip quickly turned into a 20 minute trip because like every fast food place in the valley there is always some way they get your EVERY order wrong.  

So now while I'm writing this, the kids decided to make themselves into robots (their inspiration was the movie Short Circuit), my mom and Aunt Becky are out at Hazel's working on the script, Uncle Nick is doing something, somewhere, and in a second I'm going to clean the mess of our sleeping bags in the living room before Richard comes at 11.  Then, Aunt Becky, my mom, and I are going to look at some houses in town..so that's whats going on today so far.  Love you all!

as if it wouldnt go away as is..

2011-02-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

i thought that justin bieber couldnt get any bigger...and then he ruined glee..more details later

A Look Into My Life...Honest And True

2011-02-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

today, when i got home, i felt like crying. for so many things. my horse who's sick, my mom and how i treat her, my little brother, and myself.

My life is so confusing. A lot of people who don't know me and my life who rule it off as hormones, but its not (OK maybe 5.27%) but that's really not it. My family is dying--in a way its been dead for a long time--it kills me to type those words but i don't know how else to put it..i feel like i cant talk to anyone. i am scared to talk to my grandpa about me getting baptized because i have a strong feeling he is not going to react in a good way. My grandma da, though she may be a horrible person, is still my Grandma. Although i can remember some really bad times, i also remember antique shopping, cooking, and swimming in the summer. And this Christmas, when i saw her, i was so happy because i thought about all those memories. But I will never forget all the ways shes hurt my mom and her sisters...and i don't know whether i can try anymore. Not just with Grandma Da, but with Papa Ray too...everything has gone downhill without my notice...

I'm scared of a lot of things here's a little list:
-life
-sickness
-pain
-my family
-my friends
-everything negative (and my life is full of negative)

i know that heavenly father put me on Earth for a reason, but i don't get why i had to be the one to have such a screwed up life..

all I'm going to leave you with from this crazy/unorganized rant is what i do when i feel like I'm losing it..
i go outside look look at the stars then i close my eyes and i can see a brighter day.....i close my eyes and pray....

Learning...

2011-01-11T17:31:00.000-08:00

So I am so sorry I haven't been blog. I would love to say its because of sports and school, but its not. And it never has been. So this post is going to be about one LEARNING experience I have recently had..LEARNING TO LOVE ME. So here are a few pictures of me. And a few life lessons with them.

So for Lesson #1--Always smile..its makes you more self-confident....

Lesson #2--Be confident with everything you do..especially if your being honest about what your feeling..

Lesson #3--Always love the body that God gives you..don't try to change it...it will make you imperfect in his image..

Lesson #4--Now this is an easy one..BE LOVING TO YOURSELF..love yourself for what you are now, not what you expect or want to be.

Lesson #5--Be honest..because you will always find something wrong...but you need honesty when no one else will give it to you.

Lesson #6--LOVE WHO YOU ARE..EVERYONE ELSE DOES

I think that even though my "lessons" may not make sense, they are important to hear. I say this not because I see all my friends worrying about their appearence, their weight (although that is a good reason). No, I am really saying this to me. I know that it is important to love yourself, but like many, I get caught up in diets, clothes, SIZES...

But i think that it is truly important (when you have a clear mind) to look at yourself and see what YOU want to see..

Because I promise you that if you do, you won't see all imperfections that the media tries to make you correct, you will only see a beautiful, confident, strong person.

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

well let me know what you think of this..

love you all byby

sorry its been a while..

2010-11-06T08:50:00.000-07:00

but I have been really busy with life. I have basically tried to ignore troy and my mom, tried [no matter how hard this is] to be kind to Marshall.

so there is a lot to say..but right now i only want to write down these two.

1st:

All of my friends are infatuated with Marshall. As my friend Camille said "he is the bee's knees!!". He was asked to homecoming by Camille and one of my other friends, Jackie. Camille went straight up to him while all the freshman were in Palma's gym, decorating for homecoming. His response was turning beat red and going to hide behind my mom.

2nd:

While at homecoming, 3 of my friends and I went up to take a picture together..we waited in a 10 minute line, went up to lady, where she said "OH...So its just the two of you?!"[this is when the two of us realized that we had just been ditched..] the same was said by the photographer...he went on to ask whether in the picture we wanted to look like a couple, buddies, or best friends...do you get what everyone thought we were?? anyhoo, that's whats been going on in my life.

2010-10-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

so heres whats been going on in HiGh ScHoOl!!

...we had A LOT of smiles...

..and showed some MAJOR school spirit..

we made memories

we made BFFL's(best friends for life)

we messed around majorly with the macs at Palma

...AND...

I KNOW SOME OF YOU WILL LIKE THIS-

and made "moviestar faces" to the camera..

so theres high school for you--i have made so many new friends!! and i still kept my old ones....

and now i officially have the "guilt bug"

2010-10-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

you want to know why? because every hour, literally, i dream, imagine about troy and my mom getting a divorce, being away from all of the mess that is my life. thats it--nite.

2010-10-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

sorry its been so long..i have had a LOT going on. cousins were visiting, aunties and uncles, and of course there had to be fighting to make it my life. my mom and i fought, troy and my mom fought, Marshall and troy fought, Marshall and my mom fought. i knew it was to much to ask for~to have no fighting, for my mom to be happy~and one night when my mom and troy were fighting, it got to the point where, as i sat listening to them, i literally got up, walked outside, repeating to myself "i need to go" over and over again. i sat outside for probably 25-30 minutes, just sobbing into wranglers fur. he is my crying buddy. he sits patiently, and~don't worry, i am aware this sounds crazy~listens to every word i say, every sob i sob. he sits there, not getting up, licking my tears.
they both fight about the STUPIDEST things, and I'm getting tired of it..i wish there was just an off switch--to turn off the fighting, the hatred, the sadness, the hurt--but there isn't.
i know that i have always said that i want troy gone--that i don't care what we have to do to get away from him..but now I'm coming to realize what that would mean..that i would have to leave--leave the life i know, the high school that i love, my friends old and new..everything--and i don't want to say that out loud because that would make it true..and i would feel guilt...
and i just cant do it anymore. my mom said to just try to be nice to troy, but i cant--not after everything he has done, to me and to her--i just want someone to push it all away..because i cant do it anymore..i cant live a double life--be the happy go lucky girl with my friends, and a witch to my family because i feel so much hatred towards them and their STUPID fighting.
my life is a mess--its like one of those really hard 1000 piece puzzles--you know the ones??--but instead of it being solved overnight, it cant be solved at all, because there are so many pieces gone. and no matter what you do, you cant find those important pieces.
why couldn't i just be normal?? why couldn't i be pretty, and popular, and have a real dad, and just be normal??? why? why was my life made like this?? because frankly, i HATE it..i hate that i am going to have see a therapist to control "my problems". i hate it all. because how can you love your life if you are only happy 9.2% of the time?? i mean whats the point?? because I'm only happy when troys out of the picture..
mom--
i tried it your way but I've got nothing to show..i don't know what to do because its all the same and the story's getting old..i thought maybe we were all getting somewhere, but we got nowhere at all..
but you should know i cant think of what I'm learning right now but ill be thanking you someday.

bye--time to go see my personal therapist, my sobbing buddy--because hes the only one I've got--the only one i cant talk to..

oh and did i mention--its raining. perfect sobbing weather.

2010-10-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder,

if everything

changed

How would we make out?

And now suddenly

thunder, and

everything changed

There's this big dark

cloud, hovering

We go through the motions

Like everything's settled

But it's inside out

And it makes us

uncomfortable

Still holding on

When there's all this

doubt, hovering

my new favorite song~ miley cyrus/trace cyrus

HOVERING

please listen..just once

2010-10-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

ya like??

i thought it was time for change, just like i think its time for a MAJOR change in my life....

SOOO....

whats the vote on the new blog???

YAY!! or nay??

this is it

2010-10-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

i need to vent. i need to vent because i feel like i have no one in this world that i can talk to. and it is driving me insane. my life is dangling off the edge of the cliff, and the few branches keeping me are about to break. i can feel it. i know it. i hate it. i know that you are not supposed to use that word, but i need to. because i do. i hate it. all of it. i cant stand to the side anymore and watch the people i love torn apart, piece by piece. im sick of it. i hate how all of my aunts and uncles are taking sides. how they all try to hate each other. how my grandpa fights with his wife-probably daily-and stays with her because he doesnt want to be alone. how my mom fights with him. how she fights for marshall and me daily just to be torn down. i hate seeing her come home with tears in her eyes. i hate him. i hate how he can just so easily yell at a 5 year old girl because she ate one of his yogurts. i hate his "all about me" attitude. i hate him in general. i hate my grandma. she tells me that she was such a good mom. but she wasnt, and i know. i know about almost everything that happened to her children--to my mother--and i hate how she plays the victim....when she is the last one in this universe who deserves it. but you want to know the person i hate the most? i hate myself. i hate myself whenever i talk back to my mom, seeing the pain in her face with each word. i hate myself for for not being nice to my little brother. i hate myself for not bieng able to make my mom proud, not being able to make her happy. i hate myself for telling people that i would try to be nice to him, when even as i say it, i know with all my heart that it could never be true. im stuck--ive come to a fork in the road..and i know that i only have two options and that i have to choose-that it isnt a choice, it isnt an option-and i dont know wether to dread that day or to just countdown the days until then. because you know what? all i wanted from this life was to be a normal teenager--experience the dances, love being with friends....embracing my mistakes--but that wont happen, not with who i am. but thats life...and no, maybe i will never get over my problems. and im not saying that they can all just disappear--no matter how badly i beg and plead--there is no getting rid of it all. i am sorry to vent--but it helped me--it helped me to dry all of the tears out of my eyes, out of my heart. im sorry that i have to pour my heart out onto this post, on my computer--a piece of technology. i just want to ditch school this week--i want to leave--to get away from my mom, her sadness, and from mine. even if its for one minute. because you know what?? i am afraid. i am afraid for the future, present, and past. but goodnight for now...i think the perfect thing to do is to get in my pjs--thee reallly comfy ones--watch some disney channel and flintstones...and eat icecream as much as i can stuff down my throat. so bye for now.

heard from my fortune cookie~

2010-09-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

if you speak honestly, everyone will listen

some words of wisdom...i think i will try..

what a suprise that a fortune cookie gave REAL

advice :)

2010-09-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

my life is a mess. there is no point denying it. but i'm going to get through it. i have school, i can rely on it to free me a little bit {wierd, huh?}, a therapist {yes..i have some names}, and someone else to talk to {you know who you are..}........And today i am going to go home and be "happy" to see the person that is making the most important person in my life{my mom} somewhat miserable and unhappy {can you guess who?}.

but life goes on and i am going to try to start finding "me" time, not concentrate on boys.....TOO MUCH.....and live love and laugh{even when i DON'T want to} because that is something that i have found that heals me. it takes away the pain in my life, in the world, even if its just for one second, it takes it all away..and then reality comes crashing down....but thats just life......

so live it. love it. AND MOST DEFINITELY laugh at it.

2010-09-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Heres To School.

2010-09-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

Heres to school. Heres to waking up at 6am every morning (except

THE GLORIOUS wednesdays!). Heres to enduring pilates in pe, with a

tv as your teacher. Heres to my spanish teacher who cant say my

name, so she calls me Jaunita. Heres to an extremely cool english

teacher, and to a science teacher just.....himself. Heres to my

Catholic Christianity teacher, shes younger than my mom. She just

graduated from Fresno State last year. Heres to....my algebra

teacher, who likes wearing EXTREMELY tight clothing where it doesnt

look good. Heres to my jumpy comuter apps teacher, who thinks i

have "that certain talent" needed for the class. Heres to school.

So I am guessing you got the message from my "heres to"

extravaganza...but I will continue anyway. High School is going

good. Its going great. I can honestly say that I am happy with my

desision. Everyone there is really nice and they dont judge you.

They can laugh at things with you that you wouldnt do if boys were

around. They are real people, not toothpicks. And I love it.

I honestly and happy..with school. Life is another matter. Some of

you know what i'm going through, and for those who dont, I will

explain when we talk next. Life isnt a ride over the rainbow. Its

hard. And you have to grow up and change for life, because life

isnt going to change for you. It sucks but its true....thats life..

Well i'm off, I have studying to do, a room to paint, and a bed to

snuggle up in.....

ByBy

Live Like Theres No Tomorrow

2010-08-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

just listen please!

2010-08-10T10:10:00.001-07:00

in alisal..will post pics later =D

me and my little bro..in a moment with no screaming

2010-08-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

so if anyone wants me to send this to them blownup or just a 4 by 6, im doing it for my grami pati and would be happy to give it to you..and just so ya'll know, i do love him, just not every second of every day like i know my mom hopes..whatev, nobodys perfect right?!

me being me..

2010-08-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

soo this is a pic i took just messing around..you like?? im trying this strange new thing called "showing the world YOU" hows it workin'? can you see the real me??

2010-08-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

thought i had it mapped out but i guess i didn't

and i'm not afraid, i'm not afraid

to take a stand

everybody come take my hand

we'll walk together through the storm

whatever weather, cold or warm

just lettin' you know that you're not alone

holla if you feel like you've been down the same road

even though you probably saw them..

2010-07-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

Love It

2010-07-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

so this is one of my favorite songs..i'll give you all the whole list sometime..but just listen

HERE YOU HAVE IT

2010-06-30T17:13:00.000-07:00

2010-06-09T08:55:00.001-07:00

I GOT IN!!!

Defying Gravity

2010-06-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

this is my FAVORITE song from the play wicked. listen.

2010-06-07T11:50:00.000-07:00

five days.

i am shocked

2010-06-07T09:47:00.000-07:00

so this is ruggles, our first savannah kitten. he is being sold. when i heard this, i ran out of the room and cried. the breeder said that if she even THOUGHT about selling him, she would tell us first, just in case we wanted to buy him. and she didnt. now hes already sold, ON HOLD really, and i feel so betrayed. hes my baby. but dont he and his brother rebel look alike?? except for the nose of course...

2010-06-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

oh. do you like the new blog??

2010-06-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

six days until barcelona..and PARIS.

i love my boy

2010-06-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

2010-06-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

it feels like summer.

And Breathe

2010-06-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

i just took my test for Notre Dame yesterday. i was stressing out

so much, and i was so anxious to have it all be over. and now it

is. but now im stressing over whether or not i will make it in.

AHHH!

the test was easy, and the faculty is very nice. the lady who gave

us the test(s) was the spanish 1 and 2 teacher. and i was wrong.

not all of the girls are mean, there are a bunch that are really

nice. the day that im dreading more than getting my test scores is

the rally. all of the freshmen and all of the seniors stuck in the

gym..breathe in and breathe out. bye for now :)

This Is..Me

2010-06-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

I am in love with this.

To All The Moms Out There

2010-05-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

to all the moms out there. but especially to my mom. thanks for being there for me. i know it

doesnt seem like it now, but i love you and i love all the things you do for me. life wasnt the best

to you, but you made the best of it. i dont know what i would do without. you are the best mom a

girl could have. love you mom...

i know that no matters what happens, i love you....like in the book i love you more i love you to

the moon. but you love me to the moon and back...hope you know how much i love you.

Beyonce I Am Sasha Fierce - Ave Maria - With Lyrics New Music 2008

2010-05-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

ok so ignore the picture...but listen. this is my song right now. it is beautiful. i dont know why, but when i get sad, or lonely i listen to it...

2010-05-15T22:26:00.001-07:00

monday.

tuesday.

wednesday.

thursday.

friday.

saturday (possibly).

i am listing these days because monday, i am going to papa ray's house and staying the night.

tuesday, i am going with papa ray to the valley, where he will leave me in aunt becky's care.

tuesday thru friday (and possibly saturday) i will be at aunt becky's house, watching kids while

she writes. i will post pictures of the crafts we do (i have a long list).

and all of this is because volleyball is officially over tomorrow

around 12:30 pm. im still really going to miss it.

well, im off to bed. have to wake up early tomorrow to go to my last day of my

last tournament. night.

2010-05-13T22:38:00.000-07:00

thank you aunt becky. for the talk. night.

2010-05-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

wow. i feel....scratch that, i feel nothing right now. im really

confused. im feeling confused. about volleyball, about school, and

about FAMILY. right now school is on the top of the list. im too

exhausted and tired and just done to explain the conversations

made. all i know is that the only two words going through my head

are salinas high, independent study, salinas high, independent study. over and over

again. my head is throbbing, and its throbbing in that rhythm: bum

bum, bum bum bum, bum bum, bum bum bum. what am i doing?? what is my

propose? bye for now.

2010-05-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

ok so if i start posting on word posts. just go with it. PLEASE. i have a lot on my plate...

WOW

2010-05-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

are you happy yet?

2010-05-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

ok so more to come. byee for now.

2010-05-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

ok so i lied. but i am going to do it this morning. i PROMISE!

ps. has anyone finished and mailed(ing) my moms bday present?? because if they all get here in time, i might do it for mothers day instead..

2010-05-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

ok. just breathe. pictures of the dang cat are coming soon. RELAX!! i just have to charge my camera battery. so give me until midnight. and they will be up.

ps. this message is ESPECIALLY to aunt becky...

2010-05-04T16:41:00.000-07:00

so, i kinda forgot to post about my mom and marshall, AND becketts birthdays. so i wish you all a happy birthday. pictures to come!!

ugh!!

2010-05-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

this is the worst time of the year. STAR Testing. ewwww eww ew! i have to study my language art stuff tonight, math tomorrow, science tuesday, and history wednesday. AHHHHHH!!!!!! why do we even have to do testing?? it just stresses you out.

note how star testing is in a boogerlisous color.

ok. these are the moments.

2010-05-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

marshall and i were playing with one of his toys in the kitchen while my mom was on the phone with aunt polly. we overheard her say: "Yeah, I think Kirtee has PMS." Right away Marshall started laughing--you know the really fake one that just bugs you to no end?? ok, maybe thats just my take--anyhoo he started that laugh, so I said: "Marshall, do you even know what it means?" "Noomaybe?!" I then said: "PMS means peeved at men syndrome." But I could already see the wheel turning in his mind as he thought of something else. He then shouted out: "PMS means Private Mental Security!!!!" He then ran into his room laughing that silly laugh and chanting it over and over and over again.

these are the moments that make me smile.

2010-05-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

ok i mean it this time. i AM going to post pictures of the kitten. I AM!! please have lots of faith and patience (98% patcience to be exact).

2010-05-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

um. my moms birthday suprise didn't really work out, did it?

2010-05-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

eyes are the mirror of the soul.

2010-04-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

woo-hoo!! 100 posts. finally. are you supposed to feel something more than it just being just another post?? oh well. buh-bye.

i have news...that you probably already know.

2010-04-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

he's coming back in october. OCTOBER!!!!! so soon!

p.s. is anyone else as excited as i am that uncle bron is coming home that quickly?!

I Miss This Guy

2010-04-23T08:35:00.001-07:00

i miss you uncle bron!! be safe in afganastan.

hope to see you home soon.

i am counting the days.

2010-04-21T17:41:00.000-07:00

there's my baby..sorry to say i still haven't taken pictures of my other baby. but he is with me wherever i go and he makes me HAPPY. anyhoo, love this dog.

2010-04-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

Has anyone just sat, no music, no book, nothing, outside and just let IT take over you?

IT is so powerful.

IT is peace, some happiness, and a sprinkle of laughter.

Even if it doesn't make sense, I want you to try it, rain or no rain.

Just try.

finally

2010-04-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

I can breathe.
Finally I can relax, even if its only for about 2 minutes.
I am home from reno. We went to SF to pick up our kitten, Rebel.
He is the sweetest thing. And so very tiny compared to Ruggles, who's age was obiously made a BUNCH younger. Oh well. Back to life. STAR Testing is coming up soon. And I am sad to say, I
am reconsidering being homeschooled for high school. I am signed up for Salinas High, and am going to take the test for Notre Dame.

And life goes on.

Im sorry, I sound really down, dont I?
Well back to work. Pictures of my baby boy will be posted soon, and that is a promise. Has anyone started to make the page(s) for my mom's birthday??
Oh, and does anyone know how to make me happy again?? How to make me myself? I felt an inkling of it when I stayed with Auntie Michelle.
Bye.

2010-04-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

things are stressful in my life. my family--not the little one, the BIG one aka grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins--is falling apart bit by bit, piece by piece. and now its tearing me apart. i dont know what to do. i want to fix it, but i know that i cant. so i have to sit around and watch it fold out. sigh. this is what i will tell myself:

I AM STRONG.

I AM POWERFUL.

I CAN DO ANYTHING.

but can i?? can i do anything? i guess time will tell. well i am off to bed. i have a lot to think about. a lot to process. night.

2010-04-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

ok so for my mom's birthday surprise

my deadline is april 25-27

(the 25th is preferable, but i understand if they come a little later).

i will be in reno from friday til sunday or monday at my tournament.

if you live up that way and you (and your family)

finished your page(s). got to go back to work!!

thanks for helping out!!

and the paper should be 12x12. just in case.

so this is from mexico.

2010-04-11T18:25:00.001-07:00

Ok so this is when we were in Mazaltan, Mexico this last Janurary.
No words. Just thought I should post a picture for a change..

2010-04-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

does anyone want to help me make a blog title picture thingy-mabobber??

here's the deal

2010-04-11T08:45:00.001-07:00

My mom's birthday is may 2nd. I asked her what she would like from me and she replied, "I

would like you to make a scrapbook with pictures of you, marshall, troy, and all of our family." So

I thought about it and came up with a genius idea. She wants pictures from now and from when

she was little. She wants me to take pictures of me...kind of hard to do. Anyway, I was

wondering if anyone i.e. sisters, parents, cousins etc. would like to make a page a piece. If you

know anyone who has a special place in my mom's heart or is a really good friend, ask them to

make a page too. This is completely optional, but I thought it would be a nice thing for all of us to

do for her on her birthday. So let me know if you are going to participate, then get to work on the

page(s)--depending on how many people are in your family and how many will be making a

page--and then when you have finished (if you are passing on this project to other family/friends

they can either send it back to you or send it straight from their home) mail it TO ME at my

home address. Hope you will participate!!

P.S. if this post makes no sense at all, call me!!

2010-04-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

I think this is the WORST spring break ever.

The most exciting thing i'm doing is going to see a movie.

I wish -GASP!!- that I didn't play volleyball, or that

I at least didn't have practice this week because if I didn't,

I would be Aunt Becky's with Uncle Nick and Aunt Becky and

Charlie and Lukie and Anna, Joseph, TJ, Grandpa Conley,

Grandma Conley, AND(!!) Great Grandma Conley!!

But I am playing volleyball, and I do have practice. But that

practice is getting me ready for the BIGGEST tournament yet!!

R E N O!!

FINALLY! I am very excited and I hope some of the family

can come watch and cheer me on!!

it is not this weekend but next weekend!!!

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!

2010-04-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Charlie. You are another

year older, another year wiser. You have

been blessed with a wonderful mother and

father. You are a beautiful little angel. I love

you to the moon and back. I wish I could be

there with you today. But I wish I could be

with you everyday. Love You!! And to make

your mom happy, we will post some of the

pictures and video's from my camera!! Bye Bye,

and have fun with your teaparty and PINK TRIANGLE HATS!!

2010-04-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

aunt becky, let me be clear.

IF YOU WANT THAT BOOKSHELF YOU NEED TO TELL MY MOM. NOW!

love ya tons! and i will soon post pictures of it.

please

2010-04-04T17:19:00.001-07:00

ok so i got my camera back!! and when i looked at it, i found TONS of pictures of certain children.
so i was wondering~aunt becky~if i could take those pictures and put them on MY blog.
permission granted??

2010-04-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a song called Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. I love some of the lyrics in the chorus:

This is my temorary home.

Its not where I belong.

Windows and rooms that i'm passing through.

This is just a stop on the way to where i'm going.

I'm not afraid because I know, this my temporary home.

Listen to the song. I love it. But it is very sad...and truthful...